“As a mother comforts her child, so will I comfort you”

Isaiah 66:13

“I don’t feel the bond.”

I cringed as I spoke those words to my friend. I loved my baby, I really did. I just didn’t feel like we had reached a point of deep connection between mother and daughter.

That was a hard realization, but an honest one.

As a first-time mom (with heavy postpartum emotions and thoughts) it scared me. What’s wrong with me? Shouldn’t I feel the love between a mother and her child? Why do I feel like we aren’t connected like we should be?

Thankfully, my friend concurred that the same thoughts had also plagued her mind. “It’s ok to feel like you aren’t connected yet. The bond will come.”

The bond will come.

I held onto that phrase for months as I continued to struggle through the daily tasks of infant-raising. I continued to sing to her, utter “I love you” and smile and laugh at her even when I felt distanced from her.

But my friend was right. The bond did come.

For me, it didn’t start coming until 9 months to 1 year. For you maybe it was sooner. Maybe it will be later. The timeline of when the bond solidifies is different for all of us, but the point I’m making is that if you keep giving forth God-inspired love to your child, it will come.

I know there are many postpartum moms who give birth and think, “who in the world is this child?” or “this kid is nothing like I would’ve expected a baby to be.”

If you share those thoughts, don’t panic and think “I’m a bad mom.” I promise it will be ok. God specifically gave you this baby and the bond will come as you learn more about them. You don’t know everything about them at 3 months or 6 months or even a year. It takes time and struggle to develop a trust between you as the mother and them as the child. But down the road, as you see their God-given gifts and talents in action, you will begin to love them on a deeper more intimate level simply because you’ve built up that bond of trust.

Don’t be discouraged, Mama. The bond will come.

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