Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.
Philippians 2:4
“Is your baby breast-fed or formula-fed?”
“Formula-fed.”
When the nurse heard my response, she turned to me with a shocked expression on her face. I didn’t appreciate that. She didn’t know my story. She didn’t know my daughter had arrived in such a traumatic way that had affected my body drastically. But her response (as well as the response of some family and friends of ours) made me feel ashamed.
“Why aren’t you breastfeeding? Don’t you know it’s the best thing for her?”
Yes, it might be the best thing for her–but it’s not the best thing for me.
As a mom who struggled greatly with postpartum depression after the birth of our first daughter, my husband and I came up with a game plan on how we were going to go about things differently after the birth of our second daughter. I made 52 freezer meals in preparation, provided my body with adequate exercise, signed my older daughter up for preschool in an effort to have a little more “me-time”, and even booked a trip to Florida for some sunshine! I was ready, I was set! But my hang-up was breastfeeding. I didn’t want to do it again.
(If you’re really interested in my reasons why I chose formula this time, you can read about that in Pt. 2 of this series.)
Now, I’m not here to debate the benefits of formula or breast milk. I breastfed my first daughter and fully acknowledge the numerous scientific studies done on the benefits of breast milk. I have even read studies that suggest breastfeeding increases the mother’s mood and lowers their chances of experiencing postpartum depression1. So, are there benefits to breastfeeding–100% YES! And if breastfeeding is your jam, I’m here cheering you on!
However, in our current mom culture, there is a certain pressure that comes with the choice of how to feed a baby. Breastfeeding has become the thing that moms are “supposed to do” and if a mom chooses to use formula, they are a “bad mom”. Unfortunately, that unhealthy pressure has been one of the reasons some moms have fallen into the pit of postpartum depression or anxiety.
Let me remind the world that shaming a mama for choosing to feed her baby formula is never acceptable.
Maybe she is struggling with anxiety or depression, and making a hurtful comment about her not breastfeeding only adds to her feelings of failure.
Maybe there are medical reasons that prevent her from breastfeeding.
Maybe there are health challenges her baby is facing where breastfeeding is not recommended.
Maybe her work schedule is incredibly demanding and pumping isn’t an option.
Maybe breastfeeding brings up feelings of trauma or abuse from her past.
And maybe she has simply chosen not to—and that’s ok too!
Please, dear reader, be humble enough to recognize that there are many, MANY things that you might not know about the mama’s decision. Choose to support her through it, instead of criticizing her for it.
Offer to feed the baby for her! Offer to take her baby for a few hours while she runs errands! Offer to bring her a cup of coffee! Offer to clean her house! Offer to cook her a meal!
Showing compassion instead of criticism is always a greater reflection of Christ’s love for the world. Together, let’s surround the postpartum mamas in our lives with grace and understanding. Remembering that the work of mothering is holy work–no matter how they have chosen to feed their baby.
If you are the mama feeling shame and you need someone to tell you it’s ok not to breastfeed, let me say it for you. “It’s ok if you choose not to breastfeed.” God is not a God who throws shame at people. If you have prayed about what choice you should make and He has given you peace about using formula, then His approval is the only approval you need.
Not your mom’s. Grandma’s. Mothers-in-law or anyone else’s. Just His.
Together, let’s re-create a supportive and loving mom culture that puts an arm around a struggling mama and says, “You’re doing a great job.” Let’s point her to God’s grace and remind her that His mercies for mamas are new every morning. Let’s love instead of pointing fingers of shame. Let’s be Jesus to a hurting world.
There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.
Romans 8:1 ESV
**Part 2 of this series is HERE! Click here to read more!”
Endnotes:
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